In the mid 1800's, Charles Darwin proposed the theory of evolution by the process of natural selection: those best suited for their environment would survive and reproduce. "Survival of the fittest" he called it. If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed that Darwin proposed this evolutionary theory not after studying the anatomy of finches, or the organisms of the Galapagos Islands; but rather, the nature of Miss Serensky's AP English classes. In this classroom, literature meets the Hunger Games. The world of Advanced Placement English truly epitomizes the idea of Darwinism. Emphasis on the "world." This class will play a pivotal role in the second half of your high school career - such a role, that the word "class" proves inappropriate, and "world" prevails. See what I did there? "Proves." Such a strong word. A word, not for the weak, but for the fit. This 52 minute class period will chew you up and spit you out, so mark your territory and put up your defenses. Because only the fittest survive. In one week, I will have successfully made it out of the AP English biome alive. If you hope to do the same, I suggest you listen to what I have to say.
1. Read the daily quote on the board. You'll need that little spark of inspiration.
2. Compose a generic formula for your introductory paragraphs. Think Mad Libs, but with SOAPSTone elements.
3. Follow @BobbieSerensky on Twitter. #lol
3. Appreciate days spent in the computer lab. They will prove almost as enjoyable as the fire alarm going off in class.
4. Bring a light windbreaker or sub-zero temperature approved parka to class. Long and brutal are the days of AP English in January.
5. Do not wait until Wednesday night to do your blog. Well, you will. Just make sure you do not start any later than 10:00 PM.
6. Make sure you have both a blue AND black ink pen hand at all times. If you do not, prepare yourself for a twenty second panic attack/agonizing backpack search when Serensky tells you the prewriting requires two colors.
7. Do not forget to silence your phone before in-class essays. Do so, or experience the combination of the iPhone marimba and death glares from your peers. You decide.
8. Invest in a thesaurus. This little book will provide you with the best camouflage to fit in with the vocabulary rich students of the AP English jungle.
9. Do NOT make the mistake of saying "go ahead!" when you chime in at the same time as someone else during in-class discussions. You will not have another chance. Every man for himself.
10. Set two alarms on your phone: one for turnitin.com, the other for Thursday night blog comments. You should never have to experience the sunken stomach feeling after midnight strikes.
Follow these ten rules, and you will glide smoothly through the student-induced savagery and barbarism of Miss Serensky's AP English Class. Remember - only the fittest survive. Good luck!
While reading your blog I could not help but envy your creativity in linking AP English to Darwin's Survival of the Fittest...so clever! In step 8 you refer back to this "survival of the fittest" parallel by stating that the AP English classroom is like a jungle. I absolutely love how you discretely incorporate that.Personally, my favorite step that you suggest comes from step 9. Discussions often become comical when five people try to voice their opinions. I agree, however, in order to survive in the AP English jungle one must look out for oneself always. The only time when the word selfish is smiled upon is within the ivy covered, damp, malicious walls of the AP English room.
ReplyDeleteMairin, I shuddered while reading your blog due to the overwhelming realization that I have become a completely incompetent AP English student. I consistently fail to read Ms. Serensky's thoughtful quote (oops), I have yet to fully wrap my mind around the alleged simplicity of the introductory paragraph, I do not have a twitter, I have never not waited until Wednesday to write my blog, I'm constantly "that girl" asking to borrow a pen and I often allow my peers to speak ahead of me in class discussions. That being said, I apologize to my peers and Ms. Serensky for my apparent obnoxiousness. I will try to apply these pointers during these last five days of AP English... better late than never?
ReplyDeleteMairin, I wholeheartedly agree with your comparison of AP English to Darwin’s theory of natural selection. Inside that competitive AP English 12 den, organisms viciously fight with each other to get that that good grade for sustenance. The weak perish, while those that evolve special skills like an obtrusive speaking style, a propensity to annotate everything, or a blatant disregard for social standing, climb their way to the top trophic level. I think Mr. Richie would find this post infinitely fascinating.
ReplyDeleteMairin I throughly enjoyed reading your blog on the survival of the fittest in the AP English Classroom ecosystem. Even though I do not consider myself as one of the main lions or gorillas but rather a zebra or baboon, I still believe in myself and try my hardest to survive when entering the jungle. I especially liked #9 where you depicted the classic discussion brawl. I find myself as one of "those" who always say "go ahead" when I really should use my defense mechanisms and try to continue to talk like some more aggressive species do. Maybe someday I'll make my way up the food chain by applying these steps to college, or "my afterlife". If I survived this obstacle, natural selection best remain on my side.
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