Puhleeeeease.

Dear Ms. "My Boyfriend Wants to Break Up, but I Do Not,"

You have found yourself playing a classic game of relationship hide-and-go-seek. A lack of mutual love will always make for an awkward situation, but I urge you to understand one thing: your boyfriend still loves you. He has just forgotten. The affection you two share has simply disappeared when you turned your back. It lurks somewhere between the first date and the potential break-up, hiding behind forgotten memories, and under the spontaneity you once had. Your job? To find it. To help him find it. Women worldwide have experienced the same heartbreak as you did. However, heartbreak requires a breakup. And you will NOT succumb to a breakup. No. It sounds like you feel very attached to John Doe - why let go? Remember: love does not serve as a one-dimensional emotion. You have a say in this relationship, too. Just because he wants to severe your relationship, you decide you should let him? WEAK. Oh, but of course. You cannot forget that you represent a "strong, independent, woman" blah blah blah. That pro-women, anti-men sentiment has never acted as more than a gimmick. Just a bunch of gibberish. Balderdash, bologna and bananas. Whoever said "a woman does not need a man" has clearly never had one. Trust me, honey. You want your man. So go out and get him. Investing in a steadfast relationship has never proven easy. However, this investment will undoubtedly benefit you, a 21st century woman, in the long run. A relationship simply makes things, well, easier. Double the paycheck, double the jewels, and double the emotional punching bag when you need it. He says he doesn't want to continue your relationship. Clearly he has forgotten all that you had. Take him back to those first dates, when the affection felt new and tender - no more than a bud. When the sparks flew, and the flirtatious banter fired. Don't forget his interests, either. He likes golf, he likes burgers, and he likes tinkering around with his new car. So, get him some golf balls, cook him a cheeseburger, and if you really want him back - buy him a new Chevy. Remind him of his manliness. His impressive testosterone levels. When he can finally bask in his macho-man persona and see a beefcake in the mirror, he will actually begin to like you again. And maybe then, only then, will you have saved your relationship. And any chance you had in this world.

Don't forget the cheeseburger,

Ms. Serensky

P.S. If you believed a word I just said, then you need to seriously reconsider your involvement in a relationship, and mull over some "me time." Just in case you did not sense any morsel of my uncontrollable sarcasm, I suggest you take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Yes, you see a strong, independent woman. And you should find nothing wrong with that. My real advice? Drop the man who questions your relationship. Indulge in a carton of Ben and Jerry's "Phish Food," burn his picture by your bedside, listen to some Joni Mitchell, and watch some romantic comedies. Then, move on. And forget the cheeseburger.

Leyla, get back in your cell. Don't make me get the hose.

I glanced briefly at the prompt sheet in advance last week, and have stressed over this particular blog ever since. When asked for my favorite movie, I usually share a variety of my many, go-to flicks. Now that I must choose one that will forever remain in the blogosphere, I feel an enormous weight on my shoulders. However, after days of painstaking, internal debate, I have finally made a deicision. Based on nostalgia rating, quote-ability and overall viewer experience, the award for "Mairin's favorite movie" goes to "Mrs. Doubtfire." So sit back, relax, and enjoy my blog.

I find that most people have seen, or at least heard of this feature film. However, for reasons I still do not know, I have yet to find someone who shares a similar obsession. The plot revolves around Daniel Hilliard, a recent divorcee, who loses custody of his children to his high-strung ex-wife. In a desperate attempt to spend time with his children, Daniel impersonates an English caretaker known as Mrs. Iphegenia Doubtfire. Possible name of my future daughter. Now, the idea of a middle-aged man disguised as an elderly nanny may not sound like your typical scenario, but I find its obscurity and heart-felt moments unforgettable. "Mrs. Doubtfire" combines drama, family plight and desperation with love, laughter and tear-jerking moments. Often times I find myself showing this movie to my friends, hoping they will love it just as much as I do. I build up anticipation ("Wait for it! The next scene is funnier - I swear!"), but sometimes dissapoint. Nonetheless, I always laugh until my ribs hurt. Every time. Only while watching my favorite scene, however, does my laughter turn into core-working, calorie-burning howls. This scene consists of Daniel impersonating a number of incompetent Nannys on a phone interview with his ex-wife. In order to evoke here paranoia, he verbalizes every mother's nightmare. Nanny impersonation #1 seems to run quite smoothly, until he suddenly shrieks, "Layla, get back in your cell! Don't MAKE me get the hose." Nanny impersonation #2 casually asks the interviewer, "Are your kids well behaved? Or do they need like, a few light slams every now and then?" Just when you thought nothing could surpass "a few light slams," nanny impersonation #3 concludes with "I don't work with the males. 'Cause I used to be one." This moment may just resurface every time I reunite with my sisters - the only people with whom I share a mutual "Mrs. Doubtfire" obsession. Just in case you did not find these excerpts humorous, I attached the link so you could reconsider. Still, I suggest you watch the whole movie. Something about a man, disguised in a latex mask and bodysuit with cankles, makes for the perfect Friday night flick. It gets funnier- I swear.