Must. Stop. Analyzing.

AP English, what have you done? I thank this class every day for my ability to write a coherent essay and look past the obvious. But my analyzing antics seem to haunt me with every book I open. Even joy reading has become a thing of the past. I cannot turn a page without itching to grab a pen and box an assertion or highlight a juxtaposition. Why read if I cannot assign some sort of device to every quote? So many indirect characterizations gone to waste! Only when I underline and scribble and circle, can I feel at peace with the story in front of me. Even the Twilight saga seems more enticing when I can validate its many meanings in the margins of the pages. My annotating penchant may represent a good English student habit, but also a developing need to over analyze everything. Within the short story "The Balloon," author Donald Barthelme addresses this tendency to obsess over meaning. Instead of embracing the complexity and even beauty of the balloon, the NYC citizens attempt to decipher the reasoning behind its presence instead. I can sympathize with these New Yorkers. I repeatedly find myself searching for something that does not exist, giving a meaning to something that does not necessitate a meaning. A personal paranoia stems from the unknown, a hazy area that flirts with vulnerability and endless uncertainties. My job, as an AP English student, consists of pinpointing a purpose to the purpose-less. I have become familiar with the dark hours past midnight, staring at my ceiling in attempt to make sense of the day's events. A simple text that reads "K" can transform from a quick affirmation to a friendship-threatening morse code. I feel most comfortable with concrete ideas, absolute with reason and strict in significance. Letting a concept linger, "just hanging there," results in an minor anxiety that only applying meaning can cure (1). Sometimes, excessive concern over searching for importance can take away from an obvious beauty and simplicity. Perhaps Ms. Serensky is in the clear, absolved of responsibility for my obsession with meaning. I guess my analyzing relish does not represent the aftermath of AP English exercises, but rather a characteristic that only makes me human - because something tells me I am not the only one.